If you leave.. I'll stay anyway.

25th, Sunday:

Yesterday, I told him, "If you leave, I leave."

It was so cruel of me to say. He was really upset. He doubted whether I even loved him. I do love him. Of course, I do. I don't know why I get so negative at times.

I wrote this for him:

I'm sorry for drowning you in the waves of uncertainty over and over again.

I think I realized how much you mean to me when I saw you hurt. You wouldn't even look into my eyes and I was so scared that I would lose you because I've been pretending to be so casual about us.

I don't want to lose you.

Believe me when I say, I'll not walk away. I'll make you stay - Because I can't imagine a life without you in it. It's magical when you're around. You're my good luck charm. So perfect for me. I don't want to spend my life without you.

I never get the right words to say at the right time. This is what I should've said yesterday - I'll fight for you. Go against all odds and make us happen.

I am flawed in so many ways. I am grateful that you accept me with all my imperfections. Thank you for enduring my unpredictable and impractical nature. I will never hurt you like this again. I promise.

I read it to him. He said that I write well. I thought to myself, "Maybe because every word I write is true."