Reality checks

I love recollecting the times when he used to say - We'll stay together, forever. We'll defy all odds. Ours will be a love marriage.

I had never thought I would have someone to see my future with. He's my first. He made me dream and everything is so perfect in my imagination.

But lately, he doesn't allow me to build castles in my head. I get why he does that. I am unrealistically positive and he's scared it'll break my heart if it doesn't work out.

"Is it just that?", I wonder. "Or he's afraid of committing to me.. Maybe he doesn't want to stay with me anymore."

"Stop", I tell myself. "You know it's not true."

Why is it that a chain of negative thoughts come to me when I am not thinking positive? Why can't I just be neutral?

I don't like it. Anyway, I can't talk about marriage or babies now. Thinking about it makes me feel guilty. He made me dream and took it away.

No big deal though. We are still together, you know. I am happy.

But I was happier when I had the freedom to practice reckless optimism. With him.